


Please Don't Go

by mourning_doves



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Brief mention of Balthazar, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Religion, Serious homophobia issues please be warned, Young Castiel/Young Dean Winchester, i'll be tagging as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3993130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mourning_doves/pseuds/mourning_doves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the summer of 1986 unfolds, Castiel Novak's life begins to change entirely. Raised in strict, religious home, Castiel feels out of place, and when Dean Winchester enters his life Castiel rebels against his fathers ways. Even as Castiel's world turns upside down, he begins to think that Dean might have been a blessing in disguise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Late June 1986

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a long note: I found this story while cleaning out my documents folder, and yes I had this posted before but took it down for some reason. Also this story has a lot of religious related homophobic content; I never intend for this to offend anyone. Updates might get slow as I have summer classes at university and I've been working quite a bit. I apologize ahead of time. Enjoy!

_**Late June 1986 ******_

Castiel stood on the front porch, a grin working its way across his face as he watched Gabriel pull into the driveway in the same cheap, rusted truck he left in two years ago. He stumbled from the porch and trudged through the yellowing grass with his arms held open wide waiting for Gabriel’s usual bone-crushing hug. 

“Cas, it’s been too long, man!” Gabriel smiled and pulled him close the moment he stepped from the car. 

“You’re hair,” Cas muttered in surprise, and Gabriel laughed. When Gabriel left for medical school he had a buzz cut; now his dark brown hair ended and curled at his just above his shoulders.

“What do you think? The ladies love it,” Gabriel pulled two duffel bags from the bed of his truck and dropped one into Castiel’s arms. Gabe’s smiled faded slightly when the porch screen door slammed shut; their father appeared at Cas’ side, a frown already stuck to his face. 

“Castiel, why don’t you go take Gabriel’s things to your room since he’ll be staying with you?” Their father grumbled, his eyes never left Gabe. Castiel took the second bag and turned to head back in when a hand pressed into his shoulder stopping him, “What do you say?”

“Yes, sir.” Castiel spoke through gritted teeth before storming away. He paused just inside the doorway and looked back at his father and Gabriel. 

“Now, I don’t want you starting any trouble while you’re down here, you understand?” Gabriel nodded, his arms crossed tightly and he glared off into the distance. The whole scene reminded Cas of when Lucifer left; they stood in the exact same spot while their father cursed and spat at Lucifer for talking back, and then Lucifer got into his car and drove off.

No one heard from him for four years, and then he called Gabriel one night. Gabriel disappeared for two days, and when he came back he told Castiel not to expect Lucifer to come around. He was still pissed with their father and wanted nothing to do with him, and it was nothing against the rest of the family. Of course, Michael, their oldest brother, had to agree with their father. He was sucking up to him; pretended like he wanted Lucifer gone, but in the end he missed Lucifer. There were nights where Cas would hear Michael talking to his girlfriend about all the memories he had with Lucifer as a child.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs,” Gabriel mumbled patting Cas on the back. They stomped up the creaky wooden stairs and into Cas’ small room, “The old bunk bed is still in here!”

“I never saw a reason to take it out. To many memories,” Cas replied, as he dropped Gabe’s bags onto the floor with a loud thud. 

“Listen, I’m taking the bottom bunk. God only knows how old this thing is, and you’re all skin and bones. It’d be better if the lighter person took the top,” he wiggled Cas’ elbow with a grin, “and if you see me climbing out the window later tonight, don’t worry.” 

“Where are you going?” Castiel’s eyes grew wide with curiosity.

“Party with some old college friends, don’t worry,” Gabriel winked as he unzipped his bags.

There was a long silence as Cas stood above him and watched Gabe tuck clothes into the bottom dresser drawer. He’d never been to a party and part of him ached to experience something he’d missed out in his younger teenage years. “Take me with you.”

Gabriel froze, clutching a pair of distressed jeans, and he slowly looked up at Cas, “Dad will find out, and I’ll get kicked out. I don’t have any other place to stay for the summer.”

“Father won’t find out. He’s asleep by nine,” Gabriel shook his head and brushed his bangs from his face with a quick swipe of his hand, “Please.” 

“You’re, what, eighteen now?” Castiel nodded, his heart fluttered momentarily at the thought of getting to climb out the bedroom window and disappear for hours without his father knowing. He would be free, “I’ll tell you what, you can come, but don’t tell anyone you’re not twenty one. And if anyone finds out, I’m not the one who brought you. Understand?”

***

Castiel was a nervous wreck; Gabriel had asked him multiple times if he was alright before they even made it to the party. They stood just outside the doorway of a dorm room at Gabriel’s old college. Gabriel smiled and brushed a hand through his hair, “Reminds me of the good old days; you going to be alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” Castiel mumbled, a wave of uncertainty washed over him. Gabriel pushed him through the door gently; music and laughter filled Cas’ ears, and he watched a petite blonde trot over to Gabe with a large, toothy grin.

“Hey, baby! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Gabe took the woman’s hand and disappeared through the crowd leaving Cas standing next to a large table holding plastic cups full of a amber colored drink.

“You look nervous, first party?” A blonde stepped up next to him, a smile on her face, and she held a cup out toward him. Castiel nodded, and plucked the cup from her hand, “That’ll calm you down. I’m Jo.”

“Castiel,” he took a sip of the drink, and he grimaced as it burned its way down his throat.

“Neat name,” Jo flicked a strand of hair behind her ear and glanced around the room. 

“My father chose it. He says I’m an angel of the lord,” Castiel’s cheeks reddened, and he stared at his shoes as he spoke. One of Jo’s eyebrows bobbed up in amusement and she took a sip of her own drink, “All my siblings are named after angels.”

“Religious family, I take it?” she leaned against the counter now watching Cas as he took another swig from the tiny plastic cup.

“My father is, but he has trouble convincing the rest of the family,” he muttered finishing the rest of the drink in his cup. He grabbed another from the table and lifted it to his lips.

“Easy, tiger,” Jo pushed the cup from Cas’ lips, “First time drinkers tend to puke after a few drinks, and the host has a no puking in the room rule.”

There was a moment of awkward silence, and Castiel stared out at the crowd of people jumping about with plastic cups held up high in the air. 

“You want to dance?” Jo asked breaking the silence.

“I can’t dance,” 

“I can teach you, come on!” Jo grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him towards the middle of the room. Cas took a gulp from his cup and forced it down regretfully before dropping the cup onto one of the side tables beside the couch. Jo swung his arms around grinning from ear to ear. They spun in a few circles, she showed him a few moves, and then let him take over, “See, you’re not that bad of a dancer. A few more moves and you’ll win over some lucky lady’s heart.”

“I doubt that,” Castiel smiled sheepishly, and Jo rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be so modest,” Jo swayed with the music and peered around the room, “Hey, I’m going to get another drink. I’ll be right back!” 

Castiel watched Jo disappear through the crowd, and he flopped down onto a tiny sofa sitting a few feet behind him. A couple next to him was on the verge of undressing each other, and on the other side of Cas sat a curly haired man smoking. People around him staggered on their feet, and he spotted Gabriel dancing with the blonde glued to him giggling and whispering into his ear. A smile crept onto Gabriel’s face and they disappeared from Cas’ view.

“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” Jo asked as she reappeared in front of Cas; he hesitated as he thought it through, but something in the back of his mind told him that he should go. He nodded and Jo helped him onto his feet before tugging him through the crowd. They slipped through the doorway and out into the cool summer night. Their footsteps echoed as they headed across the parking lot toward a Chevy Impala. Castiel could see a head in the driver’s seat, and his stomach began doing flips as he wondered where they’d be going. 

Jo opened the rear seat door and waved Cas in with a grin; he slid inside and jumped slightly when the door slammed shut behind him. The man in the front twisted around to face Cas; he had short, light brown hair, and freckles splayed across light pink cheeks. A tiny flash of light caught Castiel’s attention and he noted that the man’s right ear was pierced with a tiny metal loop. The man’s green eyes bored down on Cas, and a smile just barely crept across his face, “Who’re you?”

“Castiel Novak,” Castiel sputtered, as he swallowed hard. Jo slid into the seat up front and grinned widely at Cas. 

“Dean Winchester, it’s nice to meet you,” Dean spun back around, flashing a grin over at Jo in the process.

“Usual place?” Jo questioned, as Dean started the car. He nodded and pulled away from the parking spot. 

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked, his nails dug into the palms of his hands as he clenched his fists trying to keep calm.

“Don’t worry. You’ll love it; I promise.” Jo called back to Cas, she dug around in her purse and brought out a pack of cigarettes.

“Not in the car, my father needs it tomorrow and he doesn’t know.” Dean motioned toward the pack of cigarettes and Jo sighed tossing it back into her purse.

Castiel peered out the window and watched streetlights fade behind them as they left the city. Fields of corn began passing by and tiny farm houses sat in the distance. Dean pulled onto a dirt road and sped past another cluster of fields. The road curved into a wooded area and Dean pulled up onto a small pathway and stopped the car. Jo unbuckled her belt and swung the door open, “Let’s go, Novak.”

Castiel hurried out of the car and followed the two down the pathway; they trudged up an even smaller pathway until they reached a clearing at the top of a hill. Jo dropped down onto the grass and pulled the pack of cigarettes from her purse once again, “Isn’t it beautiful?” 

The trees had cleared away from the top of the hill just enough to leave a patch of the sky visible. Castiel had never seen so many stars in the sky in his entire life. He slowly sat beside Jo and watched small clouds pass by overhead, “How’d you find this place?” 

“Jo and I found it when we were younger; been coming here every other night since.” Jo hummed in agreement as she placed a cigarette into her mouth. She pressed a hand close to the end as she lit it with a small, white lighter. Dean pulled the lighter from her and lit a cigarette of his own; grey smoke lifted from his lips when he pulled the cigarette from his mouth and vanished into the dark night. Castiel felt the blush rise in his cheeks when Dean’s eyes flickered down to his. Dean grinned and took another drag from the cigarette before passing it toward Castiel, “Ever smoke before, Cas?”

Castiel shook his head, and Dean’s grin grew wider. He motioned the cigarette toward Cas once again, and Cas reached out for it with a shaky hand. He pressed it against his lips and hesitated; his throat burned as he took a drag and he coughed roughly. Dean smiled and gently pulled the cigarette from Cas’ fingers, “I was like that my first time. You get used to it after awhile.” 

Jo sighed and pulled a bottle from her purse; the label had “cherry schnapps” written across it in fancy lettering. It had already been opened, and close to half was missing. Jo unscrewed the cap and took a sip before passing it over to Dean, “So who’s the guy you came in with?”

“Gabriel, he’s my older brother.” 

“I’ve never seen him around here before,” Jo mumbled, and Dean handed the bottle over to Cas.

“He doesn’t live around here; he’s just stopping by for the summer.” Castiel took a small drink and grimaced as it went down. He set the bottle beside Jo and Dean pressed the cigarette into Cas’ hand. Jo dropped onto her back; her blonde hair fanned out across the grass, and her blouse slid up revealing a small sliver of her stomach. Dean pulled his leather jacket from around his shoulders and tossed it to the ground before lying beside Jo. Cas took a long pull from the cigarette before handing it to Dean; Dean watched Castiel slowly blow out smoke, and he winked causing more blush to creep up onto Castiel’s cheeks and ears. Castiel flopped down beside Jo, and the three stared up at the stars. 

“What’re you studying?” Jo asked as she brought the bottle to her lips. The liquid made a loud sloshing noise as she took a sip, and Dean motioned for her to pass it over.

“Huh?” Castiel watched Jo push her cigarette into the dirt until it went out. He watched as the smoke spiraled upward and disappeared.

“I mean what are you studying in college?” Jo pushed the bottle in Castiel’s direction once it landed in her hands again. 

“I was thinking about going into law.”

“My brother’s doing the same; he’s applying for Stanford,” Dean stared up at the sky, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, and his hands folded on his stomach, “Kid’s smart enough; he’ll get in there in a heartbeat.” 

“He should try Harvard; they’d probably consider him,” Jo began, but Dean shook his head and waved the idea away.

“You really think my father has the money for that?”

“Sam could pay it off in a few years if he becomes a big shot lawyer, which you know he will. He can put up one hell of an argument.” 

“It’s not happening; besides, Sammy is set on Stanford.” Dean mumbled, he brushed a hand through his sandy blond hair before resting his arms behind his head.

“What are you two studying?” Castiel piped up; he slowly peeled the label on the bottle, and grimaced as it left a sticky residue on his fingertips. 

“I’m not sure yet.” Jo spoke absentmindedly and stared off.

“Business; our family owns a large business, and I want to run it someday,” Dean poked his cigarette into the dirt as he spoke.

“In two years you will be asleep by ten o’clock; no more parties, just the same routine every day.” Jo commented. 

“That’s probably why my dad supports my decision so much; he wants me to get my shit together. He’s tired of me ‘getting home at four in the morning drunk’.” Jo sniffed at Dean’s last sentence, and she shook her head lightly.

“You should just move into my dorm room; there’s plenty of room.”

“I’m not moving into that humid hell hole. Your neighbors throw too many parties, and I’ll kill Chuck.” Dean frowned at the name ‘Chuck’ and Castiel grew curious.

“Who’s Chuck?” Jo and Dean grinned as Castiel asked, and they glanced at each other as if waiting for the other to speak. 

“Chuck is Jo’s roommate; he snores, drinks all day, and eats all of Jo’s food,” Dean complained.

“I don’t mind him. Basically, he’s a shy version of Dean.” Jo joked punching Dean in the arm. 

“I don’t drink all day,” Dean grumbled.

“I was teasing,” Jo smirked.

“Are you two dating?” The question slipped from Castiel’s mouth so quickly it was almost impossible to understand; Dean propped himself up onto his elbows and watched Castiel.

“She’s like a younger sister to me, so if you’re thinking about trying anything,”

“Dean, relax,” Jo pressed a hand onto Dean’s chest lowering him back to the ground and turned back to Cas, “Why do you ask?”

“You two seem close, I was curious.” Castiel hurried to answer as Dean continued to watch him.

“See, it was a harmless question,” Jo pointed out, and Dean finally turned away from Cas, “Besides, you can’t keep scaring away every guy who approaches me.” 

“Want to bet?”

“Dean, I’m in college for Christ’s sake!”

“I don’t want you to get hurt,”

“I can take care of myself,” Jo crossed her arms over her chest and glared up at the sky,

“Jo-“

“Dean, no.”

Silence and tension surrounded them, and Castiel wanted to apologize for bringing up the question but he couldn’t get himself to speak up. He stared at a large cloud sweeping across the sky, and shivered as a breeze rushed through him. He could hear Dean rustling through his pocket for something and then the click of a lighter. The stench of cigarette smoke filled the air, and from the corner of Castiel’s eye he saw Jo reach over toward Dean. She took a draw from the cigarette before reaching toward Castiel. Everyone seemed to calm back down in those few minutes of smoking the cigarette, and Castiel’s eyelids grew heavy and his thoughts became foggy. 

***

“Cas, wake up. We’re getting out of here.” The voice was distant and Castiel couldn’t pinpoint where it came from. 

“Dean, come on. We need to get back before we get caught.” Another voice called out, this one seemed farther away than the other. Castiel felt someone’s arms wrapping around him, and then he was lifted from the ground. His eyes flickered open for a second and he saw Dean carrying him down the hill. He heard a door creak and then he was being carefully placed in the back seat of Dean’s Impala. The door shut quietly and Cas felt himself drifting back to sleep. 

“Where’s he going to stay?” 

“At his house,” Dean replied, the car growled beneath them as Dean started it up.

“We don’t where his house is.” 

“I’ve driven Gabriel home before, I know where they live.”

“You know his brother?”

“No, I drove him home once when he was too plastered to even walk.” Flashing lights roused Castiel once more and he eased himself into an upright position. Streetlights flashed by, and it took Castiel a moment to realize they were on the main road now.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!” Dean called out grinning at Castiel through the rearview mirror.

“What time is it?” The sentence came out garbled and he sounded groggy, but Dean didn’t even bat an eye.

“Four thirty,” Castiel placed a hand over his mouth as he yawned; he could smell the booze on his breath and his stomach churned, “You’re looking a little green there. No puking in my baby.”

Castiel glanced at the mirror and Dean flashed another smile; his eyes bounced between Cas and the road, and the corner of Castiel’s mouth shot up slightly. Dean turned down a small side street and pulled up the curb as Jo clambered out the car. She jogged down the street before charging across a well cut lawn and climbing up a vine covered trellis to an open window. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Dean twisted around to face Cas. 

“I’m sure,”

“Listen, I don’t know if you’ve got a thing for Jo, but”

“I don’t have a thing for Jo.”

“I’m just saying, if you did and you ended up hurting her, I would kick your ass.”

“I. Don’t. Have. A. Thing. For. Her.” 

“Okay, alright, I’m just making sure.”

“Can you please take me home now?” Dean fell silent and took his foot from the brake pedal. Castiel watched Jo’s house pass by in a blur, and felt the wind ruffle his hair through Dean’s open window. Everything was so quiet at four in the morning; there was no buzz of cars, or people talking. It was just dead silent; Cas felt like he’d been thrown into an entirely different world, “It’s beautiful.”

“What?”

“I’ve never heard it so quiet around here; it’s beautiful.” Dean pulled onto Cas’ street and parked a few houses down, “Thanks for tonight.” 

Dean gave a small grin and Castiel reached for the door; he began to slide out when Dean’s hand landed on his shoulder holding him back, “If you want to come with us again sometime,” Dean pulled his hand away and scratched at his cheek as he shrugged, “You’re totally welcome to. It was nice having someone else with us. Jo thinks you’re cool, so…”

Castiel slid out of the car and shut the door quietly; he leaned up against the passenger side window and poked his head through the opening. 

“I’d like that.” He pulled away just as Dean’s smile grew and ran across the neighbor’s yard. He climbed up onto the broken down grill like Gabriel had taught him before they left, and rolled onto the roof. He slid halfway through the open window when he felt hands grab him by the shirt and tug him in entirely. His heart pounded, and he blinked through the dark trying to figure out who was holding him.

“Where the hell did you go?” Castiel felt relief wash over him as he heard recognized Gabriel’s voice as he hissed the question. 

“A few people invited me to go out with them,” Castiel began trying to keep his voice low.

“What were you thinking? I searched for you everywhere! And then I hear from some curly haired freak that you ran off with some chick!” Gabriel’s voice rose, and there was the faint sound of floorboards creaking across the hall. Gabriel and Castiel glanced over at the door, both with looks of fear on their face. Gabriel’s grip loosened on Castiel’s shirt, and Castiel took the opportunity to slide away from him.

“We went to this hill thing; that’s it, I swear.” 

“Who’d you go with?” Gabriel attempted to speak in a whisper but it quickly failed.

“Dean Winchester and Jo. She never told me her last name. Listen, you never told me I couldn’t leave when I wanted to.”

“I figured you were smart enough to realize that you were supposed to stay at the party. Jesus Castiel, I had a fucking heart attack when I couldn’t find you. And to find out that you were hanging out with that Winchester guy. You shouldn’t be around him.” Gabriel pointed a finger into Castiel’s chest.

“Why not?” Castiel questioned pushing Gabriel’s hand away. 

“He’s bad news, Cas. He gets into big troubled; I’ve heard some stories.”

“I’ve heard some stories about your ‘friends’.” 

“That’s different.” Gabriel backed off as he spoke, and Castiel shook his head. He pulled off his jeans and tossed them on the floor before crawling into his bed. He could hear Gabriel sigh and kick the jeans across the room before storming over. Gabriel glared at him through the metal railing of the bunk bed, and Castiel rolled over to face the wall. The beds shook as Gabriel dropped into his and Castiel kicked the blankets away. 

The room fell silent, and Michael’s snoring drifted through the paper thin walls. Castiel stared at a picture taped to the wall; it showed Gabriel and Cas as small kids running from their mother who was spraying them with the garden hose. Castiel wanted to go back to those days, when everything seemed so much simpler and carefree, and when they would fight but make up two minutes later because Gabriel wanted Castiel to help him climb up to the cookie jar.

“Gabe?” For a moment Gabriel didn’t respond, and the silence started to become overwhelming.

“Yeah?” 

“I’m sorry.” Gabriel stayed silent for awhile again, and Castiel picked at the peeling wallpaper.

“I’m sorry too, bud.” 

***

The past three days had taken a turn for the worst; the weather went from sunny and clear skies to stifling hot and thunderstorms. Castiel started to feel stir crazy being cooped up with his brothers, and no amount of board games and fans could make it better.

On the third day, Castiel couldn’t handle it any longer. He picked the scrap of paper with the needed groceries scribbled on it and stormed out into the pouring rain. He ignored his father’s protests about taking the car, and walked across town to the store not bothering to avoid puddles. The store door jingled as Castiel stepped inside, and his sneakers squeaked as he searched through the aisles.

“That pancake mix tastes like crap if you ask me. I don’t care what kind of deal their offering, don’t buy it,” Castiel peered over his shoulder, and Dean Winchester stood over him flashing a smile in his direction. He placed the box of pancake mix back on the shelf, and Dean snatched a box from the top and dropped in Castiel’s basket, “What’re you doing tonight?” 

“Playing another hundred games of monopoly, why?” Castiel spun around so he faced Dean, and watched as he picked another box of mix from the shelf and tossed into his cart.

“There’s another place I want to show you, if you want to come I’ll be waiting down the street,” Dean rushed the last sentence and grinned over at a younger boy walking toward them, “Did you get the cereal?” 

“Yeah,” he held up a box of Lucky Charms and shook it before tossing everything into the cart.

“Sam, where’s the pie?” Sam rolled his eyes at Dean before stomping away. 

“Technically I was supposed to get the pie,” Dean grinned as Sam reappeared with a large slightly burnt pie, and then quickly turned back to Cas as Sam grimaced at a can of Spaghetti O’s, “So you’re in for tonight?”

“Sure,” Castiel shrugged, and Sam’s head shot up and he glanced between Dean and Cas.

“Can I come?” Sam grinned, his bangs flopped over his face and he tugged it back behind his ear quickly.

“You’ll get into trouble.” 

“Dad won’t even notice. He doesn’t notice when you’re gone.”

“He does notice. He just doesn’t care, and if he found out that I started taking you out with me I would be dead,” Dean grabbed the can of Spaghetti O’s from Sam’s hands and pushed it onto a shelf containing large bags of baking soda. Castiel watched Dean pull a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and read through it, “We need bread.” 

“Dean, come on. He won’t know. I’ve left before and he didn’t even realize it.” Sam held the front of the cart keeping Dean from pushing away. 

“Since when does dad not know when one of us left? The only reason he didn’t say anything to you about it was because you weren’t leaving with me. If you leave with me he’ll assume the worst.”

“Just this one time, come on.” 

“Sam, all we are doing is going to the hill. There is nothing special to it,” Sam frowned and released the cart. Dean swung it around him and headed down the aisle.

“That’s a bunch of crap.” Sam called out as Dean rounded the corner. Castiel followed Sam as he chased after Dean.

“There are too many choices of bread.” Dean grumbled as he stared at the shelves.

“I know you don’t just go to the hill.” Sam pressed and stared at Dean. 

“Whole wheat or white?” Dean held up two loaves of bread toward Sam, and after staring at Dean for a moment Sam sighed and grabbed the white bread, “I’ll promise you this, when you turn eighteen I’ll take you out, but until then it’s not happening.” 

***

Castiel jogged across the wet grass and slid into the passenger seat of the Impala. The rain was still pouring down, and managed to soak through Cas’ t-shirt on the way over. It clung to his skin and he glanced up at Dean, “You don’t happen to have a spare shirt do you?” 

Dean leaned over the seat and ruffled around for something in the backseat until he retrieved a plain white t-shirt with dirt spots wiped across it, “Sorry, it’s kind of messy from work.”

Castiel peeled the wet shirt from his skin and started to pull the other over his head when he noticed Dean staring over at him. Dean’s cheeks turned pink and he turned away and stared at the houses across the street. Cas pulled the shirt down and stared at the wet one sitting on his lap as it started to soak through his jeans, “What should I do about this one?” 

“Just, uh, here.” He croaked snagging the wet shirt away from Cas. Castiel peered out the window and watched as the neighbors front porch light flicked on. The front door flew open, and Cas smacked Dean’s arm, “What?”

“Drive,” The rustle of plastic from the backseat stopped and Dean turned around. The screen door to the house flew open, but before anyone could step out Dean had changed gears and sped down street, “If he saw me…” 

“It’ll be alright.”

“You don’t understand. He’s the man who told my father about me kissing the pastor’s son.” Castiel spoke quickly, and more to himself than Dean. His heart and lungs felt as though they were going to burst through his rib cage. 

“Whoa, hold on.” 

“If he saw me with you, and he saw me taking that shirt off he’s going to assume things and he’s going to tell my father.”

“Cas, slow down. You’re going to be alright. It’s too dark for anyone to see our faces. He probably just thought it was two random people hiding out in the neighborhood so no one would find them.”

“Dean, I’m going to be kicked out of the house if he tells my father.” Dean pulled onto a side street and came to a slow stop. 

“Go back a minute. Did you say kissing the pastor’s son?” Dean gave Castiel an incredulous look and shook his head. 

“It’s a long story,” Castiel began but Dean waved him to continue, “For starters, I should explain that at the time I was having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I’m gay. The reason for that is because my father made it clear that to him it ‘was a sin’.”

Dean turned so his attention was focused entirely on Castiel. Cas felt his cheeks burning, but Dean nodded for him to go on, “In high school I met this guy at our church named Balthazar. He became one of my best friends, and all throughout high school people would spread these rumors that he was dating some football player, or the baseball coach, or something insane. No one really believed it because he’s a church boy and the pastor’s son, and so on.

“Well one day, he pulled me aside during Sunday service and asked if he could talk to me in private. He told me that all the rumors were true, and that he had dated all these guys. And it kind of slipped out that he had feelings for me. At first I didn’t know what to say, and then something just told me to kiss him. So I did.

“Then come to find out, my father sent my neighbor out to check on me, and he saw us kissing. I was almost kicked out of the house for that. The only reason my father kept me was because the neighbor thought Balthazar had been the one to kiss me. The pastor sent Balthazar away to some special religious school, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Dean nibbled at his lip as he stared at Castiel a bit longer before shaking his head, “The pastor’s son.”

“Yeah, everyone almost didn’t believe my neighbor because it sounded insane.”

“Do you still like him?” Dean asked, and Castiel stared down at his hands. 

“It was a long time ago. To be honest, I don’t remember what he looks like.” Dean pressed a hand on Cas’ shoulder and gave him a small grin when Cas looked over. Dean’s hand slid from his shoulder and Cas wished he would have left it there just a bit longer. 

The Impala purred as Dean eased back onto the main road. They both remained silent most of the drive until they reached an abandoned building, and Dean pulled over behind it. Castiel followed him out of the car and Dean pushed open the back door, “Is it okay for us to be here?”

“Don’t worry about it. Haven’t been caught yet,” Dean replied, which did not reassure Castiel in the slightest, but he followed Dean inside anyway. They climbed up a flight of stairs which groaned under their weight, and when they reached the top Dean pushed a metal panel from the ceiling revealing a ladder that led to the roof. The ladder was worn and rusted, and Dean pointed out that they should go one at a time. 

When they reached the top Castiel followed Dean toward the edge of the roof and sat down beside him on the ledge, “I usually go here when Jo can’t come with me. You said you liked the silence the other night, and it reminded me of this place. You can see the whole city from here.” 

Castiel stared out at the horizon; streetlights lit most of the areas but the buildings remained dark. Two or three cars drove from neighborhoods every so often, and Cas could see a record store still lit up near down town. Wind blew his short hair up, and Dean watched Cas more than the horizon. Castiel felt like he was in a movie, “It’s amazing.” 

Dean smiled and looked out at the car speeding down a main street. The way it turned suggested the tires had squealed but Cas could only hear wind, “The view of the sunrise is pretty awesome from here if you ask me.” 

“I want to see it,” Castiel said quietly. Dean pulled a crumpled pack of cigarettes from his pocket, and a lighter. 

“You should stay,” Dean mumbled with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. The lighter clicked, and Dean blew out a puff of smoke before handing the cigarette over to Castiel. 

“I should.”


	2. July 1986

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always have a hard time writing the first chapter; it's like the thesis statement portion of an essay. The second chapter is where I'm able to really dig in and go. You guys enjoyed the first chapter quite a bit, so I decided to post the second.

_**July 1986 ******_

The heat hit a record breaking high within the first week of July, and window air conditioners could be heard whirring throughout the neighborhood. Inside the Novak house there were about five box fans set up, but they simply moved hot air from one room to the next.

With Castiel’s luck, his father decided the hottest day out of the week was the best day to mow the lawn despite Michael’s warnings that cutting it would kill it. The mower groaned as Castiel pushed it back and forth across the lawn; he kept his head down avoiding the neighbors gaze until he spoke up, “Castiel, how have you been?”

“Alright, how’re you?” 

“You haven’t been fooling around with any boys now have you?” Zachariah had always been blunt, but this time it caught Castiel off guard. The lawn mower fell silent as Castiel paused, and Zachariah stared down at his roses as he sprayed them with the garden hose.

“Zachariah, what the hell are you implying?” Castiel watched his father push the empty wheel barrow back into the front yard and pull off his work gloves, “Because I sure hope it isn’t that my son was the boy in that car.”

“What’re you talking about?” Castiel asked squinting through the sun at his father. His throat tightened, and he tried his best to pretend to be confused.

“A week ago Zach saw some kids parked down the street, and one of them was pulling his clothes off. Too bad you couldn’t make out who they were.” Castiel dumped the lawn mower bag into the barrow, and his father grabbed it to wheel into the compost pile.

“Yeah, too bad.” Zachariah stared at Castiel from behind his white picket fence before turning on his heel and storming away. Castiel swallowed hard and turned back to the lawn mower as his father returned. 

“Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine.”

“If you see any people fooling around out here you let me know, alright?”

“Yeah, sure,” 

***

Castiel couldn’t pin point what had awoken him at two thirty in the morning, but he was wide awake and sitting up in bed glancing around the room. Gabriel mumbled something in his sleep and the beds shook as he tossed around. Nothing seemed to be wrong with the room, but Castiel had the distinct feeling someone was watching him, so when a shadow flitted across the window his heart pounded and sheer panic rolled through him. He carefully slid down the bunk bed ladder and stumbled around in search of something that could be used as a weapon. Castiel cautiously stepped to the window, snagging an umbrella from the corner as he went. He ripped aside the white, sheer curtains, and jumped back as Dean pressed his face into the window. 

The floor boards creaked beneath him and he froze turning back to Gabriel to make sure he hadn’t woken. Castiel pushed the window open enough to speak through, “What are you doing here?”

“Why are you holding an umbrella?” Dean whispered back, he shot up an eyebrow as Cas set the umbrella to the side. 

“I don’t have a baseball bat.”

“Jo and I are heading out, do you want to come?”

“Cas?” Gabriel muttered half asleep. The blankets shifted and Cas stumbled away from the window before Gabriel could see anything, “Are you sleep walking again?” 

“What, no. I-I went to the bathroom.” Castiel scratched his head; he was a terrible liar and felt sure that even sleepy Gabriel could tell he lied, “I don’t feel too well.”

“Oh, okay.” The blanket rustled again, and Castiel swung the bedroom door open and slipped into the cool hallway. He sped into the bathroom, snapped the door shut and cringed as the dork knob squeaked when he turned it. He headed for the bathtub reaching for the window just above it.

“Dean?” Cas hissed out the window and watched as Dean slithered past the bedroom window. 

“So are you in?” 

“Dean, my neighbor saw.” Dean paused and looked back at the house behind them.

“What, did he see me up here?” 

“No, I’m talking about the neighbor a couple nights ago. He knows it was me in the car; he asked me if I’m ‘fooling around with any boys’.” Dean suppressed a laugh, and Castiel glared at him.

“Are you coming or not?” 

“I can’t. I’m not risking it tonight, not with the neighbor watching me.”

“Come on, Cas. Screw the creepy neighbor,” Dean flashed a smile that made Castiel’s insides tingle and his heart jump. Did he use that same smile when he flirted?

“Seriously, I can’t.” Castiel’s voice sounded soft and unconvinced; Dean’s grin faltered a bit and he shrugged. 

“I’ll see you around then?” Dean stepped back from the window, and Castiel nodded once, “By the way, the plaid boxers suit you well.”

Castiel’s entire body flushed from the comment, but Dean left him no time to respond disappearing from the roof. His heart pounded and he stared down at his boxers while still blushing. He glanced back out at the spot Dean once stood. His hands gripped the window sill and he slid out onto the roof; the tiles scratched at his bare feet as he climbed off the roof, and he charged across the lawn toward Dean.

“Wait,” Dean spun around and slowed; the same smile as before worked its way across his face, “I changed my mind, I’m coming with you.” 

“Will you two slow pokes hurry it up?” Jo spoke in a hushed voice.

Castiel slid into the passenger seat and smiled back at Jo who wiggled a few fingers as a hello. Dean slammed his foot onto gas pedal and the Impala lurched forward, “We’re going to the hill?”

“Jo’s lake house, actually.” 

***

The drive there was both boring and tiring, and Cas fell asleep about halfway there. He dreamt about Dean at the top of the abandoned building; they were sitting on the edge watching the sunset smoking through their third cigarette. Dean leaned over and pressed a kiss onto Castiel’s lips, and Cas grinned beneath it, but when he opened his eyes the scene changed. He stood behind the church with Balthazar who looked over Castiel, his face white as a ghost. Castiel spun around expecting to find Zachariah, he’d dreamt the church scene multiple times, and he knew what would happen next. Except in Zachariah’s place stood Dean. He screamed something at Castiel and Balthazar, and at first Castiel couldn’t make out the words, but then they came loud and clear, “What about us?” 

“Cas, wake up,” Dean’s voice echoed throughout Castiel’s head, and his lips moved in the dream, but they didn’t match up with the words. It looked more like he spoke gibberish, “Hey,”

Castiel’s eyes fluttered open, and relief washed over him as he realized he still sat in the Impala. Ahead of them was a large lake; moonlight reflected off the still water. Jo already left the car and started dancing over to the shore. She sashayed her hips, and spun around to wave Cas and Dean over, “Are you two just going to sit there?” 

“You alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Dean asked Castiel. 

“Fine, let’s go.” Castiel jumped out of the car and ran over to Jo. Dean followed pulling his t-shirt off and tossing it onto the hood of the Impala. Jo stripped off her blouse and jeans before she ran into the woods in only her under garments. Dean dropped his jeans to the ground and stepped out of them before chasing after Jo. 

Castiel followed the tiny path Jo and Dean had taken up to a fallen tree. The end of the tree extended over a part of the lake, and a few branches had been cut away to form a tiny platform to jump off from. Then Castiel noticed the rope with knots lining it hanging from a second tree, and Jo pulled it over as she walked down the fallen tree. She gripped the rope tight and began running down the length of the tree and just as she reached the end she picked her feet up and placed them onto the bottom knot. 

The rope swung across the water, but she remained on as it swung back to the tree. Dean ran over and pushed her roughly and she swung back out toward the water, and she flew out farther this time. She let out a little scream followed by a laugh as she let go of the rope. Castiel smiled as he watched her hit the water. She resurfaced moments later and a huge grin flew across her face, “The water feels great!”

Dean grabbed the rope as it swung back, and he glanced over at Castiel, “I’m going to need a pusher!” 

Castiel nodded and Dean ran down the tree and did the same as Jo. He swung out, and Castiel ran toward him just in time to shove him back out to the water. Dean screamed out wildly as he let go of the rope and Jo laughed when he hit the water, “A perfect ten.”

Castiel grabbed the rope; he stepped farther back than the other two so he wouldn’t require pushing to get a decent jump. His palms were sweating, and his stomach began doing flips as he gripped the rope tightly. He froze, and part of him wanted to refuse to jump, “You can do it, Cas!”

“Alright, Cas!” Dean cried out after Jo, and a surge of energy ran through Castiel. He charged forward, the bark hurting his feet, and he jumped onto the rope just in time. The wind ruffled his hair as he flew forward, and he felt a bit panicked when he looked down and realized he was going to have to jump soon. The rope reached its highest point, and Castiel’s grip loosened. 

His feet hit the water first, then the whole lower half of his body, then he was under. He felt weeds at the bottom of the lake lick at his feet as he kicked to head back up. He could hear Jo and Dean’s muffled yelling, and as his head popped out of the water he could see Dean grinning like he’d just witnessed the greatest thing in the world.

“I think you just beat a jumping record,” Jo called out as she headed toward a sandy path that went back up to the tree. 

“Seriously, out of all the people we’ve invited here, your first jump has got to be the best. Most people chicken out.” Dean said as he swam back to the shore.

Castiel felt proud of himself. He watched Jo jump again, this time performing a top notch flip before hitting the water. He swam over to the shore, and a grin rippled across his face. Dean ran across the tree and when he jumped he gripped his legs as Jo screamed, “Cannonball!”

Castiel gripped the rope again and watched as Dean popped out of the water gasping for air. He spun the rope around for a moment before running and jumping onto it. The rope untwisted and spun him around in tight circles quickly as he flew into the air. He saw a sky full of stars as he let go and fell to the water. He watched the stars as water poured around and over him. He let himself sink down for a moment watching the figures of the trees and the rope swinging back and forth distorted by the water. His lungs began to burn and he finally kicked up. There was something so refreshing about coming out of the water and breathing in the air. He felt like all his troubles had been washed away in that moment. He hadn’t been this happy in years.

“We should just live here.” Jo said floating on her back and staring up at the sky.

“I wish,” Dean replied,

“I’m being serious. We should just take up the lake house. It’s so much nicer here than in the city.” Jo started swimming toward the tree once again, and Dean watched her momentarily as she disappeared into the darkness of the trees surrounding the lake.

“Are we supposed to follow?” Castiel asked, and Dean shrugged.

“She’s probably getting the weed.” Dean muttered as he drifted toward the shore. Castiel felt a wave of panic come over him. He hoped Dean was wrong. He’d never smoked weed, and if he did tonight he couldn’t go home. His father could smell weed on someone from across the grocery store. 

***

Castiel felt like he was watching himself from a distance; he ran down the tree with the rope in his hand, but it felt more like floating, like watching a slow motion movie. The rope swung him up and before he could think he’d already let go of it. As he hit the surface it felt like he was being swallowed whole, the cool water rushed in around him, and goose bumps rose along his arms.

“It’s insane that there are stars in the sky that you can’t see,” Castiel heard Jo say as he came to the surface. Jo sat on one of the fallen tree’s remaining branches and stared up at the sky as Dean came charging down the tree with the rope in his hands, “Imagine if we could see all the planets too.”

“What if there was a second Earth?” Castiel asked as Jo blew a puff of smoke out and grinned. 

“I bet there are aliens,” Jo replied as Dean splashed down into the water, “If there’s a second Earth are the humans there considered aliens?”

“What if there is another version of us on the second Earth? What if they’re living our dream lives, and what if they’re in the same exact spots as us right now? Maybe they’re thinking about what it would be like to live our lives.”

“What would your perfect life be?” Jo asked as Dean swam up beside Cas.

“I’d be one of the top lawyers in New York, and I’d live a simple life. Once I had enough money I’d move my family away from my father.” 

“That’s interesting,” Jo sounded as though she was lost in another world, “I’d travel around the world. Maybe once I’d seen everything I would settle. Maybe buy a little apartment in small city far away from here.” 

“I’d want to keep this life. I wouldn’t want to give this up.” Dean said. 

“Your dream life would honestly be staying here? In this crappy city?” Jo flashed Dean a disbelieving look. 

“I would change a few things, but yeah. I’d stay in this crappy city.” 

“What would you change?” Castiel asked watching Dean flick his tongue out to lick up one of the drops of water on his top lip. 

“I’d move my brother away from my father. I’d finally get the promotion I’ve been working for,” Dean turned to face Castiel, a grin working its way across his face, and his voice lowered to a whisper, “And you’d be my boyfriend.”

Castiel couldn’t tell if the tingling he felt was from the weed or from Dean’s comment. His cheeks grew hot when his eyes locked with Dean’s. Dean raised an eyebrow and slipped a hand onto Cas’ back. He pressed his lips onto Castiel’s and it sent shivers down Castiel’s spine.

Castiel found himself kissing Dean back. He felt alive, like every part of him had flourished in that moment. Dean grabbed one of Castiel’s hands and their fingers intertwined. He could taste the lake water on his lips; Dean’s hand ran down to Castiel’s lower back and rested there. He placed another kiss at the corner of Cas’ mouth nipping at the flesh there, and then his hands slipped away from Castiel as he disappeared beneath the water. Castiel watched Dean’s shadow drifting across the bottom of the lake as he swam to shore. 

“God, I am starving. Who wants burgers?” Jo asked as she rose from her spot on the tree, and Dean hummed in agreement.

***

Sunday morning rolled around, and Castiel couldn’t get Dean’s kiss out of his head. The memory was still fresh in his mind like it happened just minutes ago. He sat on the uncomfortable church pew biting his lip in the same spot Dean had, “At the beginning of service today, I had a gentleman come up to me and he brought up a topic to discuss,”

“He told me that he caught two young men… we’ll say fooling around for the sake of our younger audience,” Castiel’s attention shifted to Pastor Metatron who stood at his podium with his usual cheesy grin. Zachariah sat behind Castiel who could feel his eyes glued on him. Zachariah had seen Dean helping Castiel, stoned and wearing Dean’s one size too large t-shirt, back into his bedroom the night they went to the lake. He’d seen the way Dean smiled at Castiel before running back to his car, “I was then informed that one of them, in fact, goes to this church.”

Castiel’s insides felt like they were twisting into one large knot. He palms began sweating, and his hands shook making it hard to grip the leather bible. The sweater vest he wore became too hot and itchy over the button down shirt, and his heart pounded so hard he could hear it beating in his ears. He wondered if everyone around him could hear his heart as well; he wondered if they could hear it and could tell he was the one Pastor Metatron spoke of. 

“Now I am truly surprised by this, and I hope that this young man does find me after service. He must be cleansed of his sins. This must be taken care of before it is too late for him,” People glanced around the church, and Castiel felt certain he’d seen a few stop at him. Women whispered in their husbands ears and an elderly couple nodded and raised a hand to the pastor’s words. The pastor’s eyes scanned the crowd, “Leviticus 18:22 ‘You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination’.”

“Amen,” an older man cried out from on the other side of the church. Many others throughout the crowd murmured ‘amen’ with him. A few people raised their hands toward the pastor and nodded.

“Do not let the devil take you, choose God.” Another chorus of amen’s waved through the crowd. Castiel’s knuckles were turning white from how hard he gripped the bible in his hand. 

“It’s too late for you,” Zachariah whispered directly into Castiel’s ear. The hair on Castiel’s neck raised, and Zachariah’s voice made his insides squirm. 

The choir began to sing, their voices shrill, and the crowd hummed along. Castiel felt numb. When Dean kissed him Castiel felt like a human being for once, yet everyone told him it was wrong. Being happy for the first time in years was not wrong. 

Everyone knelt to the ground for prayer. Castiel’s knees burned as they hit the wood floor. He folded his hands and hung his head, “Please just give me a sign, anything, that what I’m doing isn’t wrong. Please.”

Castiel had wished for God to give him a sign about something many times, and he felt certain he would not get an answer this time. But then he opened his eyes and stared down at the tiny shelf on the back of the pew before him. A pamphlet stuck out from it; the only sentence visible on it, “You are not a sinner, God does not judge thee.”

Castiel’s hands shook as he pulled the pamphlet from the shelf. Of course it talked about times to come to Pastor Metatron to be relieved of any sins, but the first sentence stuck out like a sore thumb.

_You are not a sinner, God does not judge thee._

The pamphlet slipped from Castiel’s hands and fluttered to the ground. Everyone began sitting back into the pews, but Castiel remained there on his knees staring at the pamphlet. His entire body was sweating at this point. It felt hot water had been poured on him. He glanced down the pew and noticed that no one else had a pamphlet in their shelf. The only papers there were for the food drive the church hosted last week. 

He was not one to believe in miracles, he’d never experienced what he’d consider a miracle in his life until now. But in that moment he started thinking that maybe miracles did exist. Or maybe he was going insane, and Metatron placed the pamphlet there before the service. But Castiel and his family never sat in the same spot at the church; Metatron couldn’t have just guessed the right spot like that. Castiel could not breathe through the thick air inside the church.

The last few people praying were returning to their seats now leaving Castiel on the ground. Everyone’s voices did not rise above a dull whisper as they waited for Pastor Metatron to return to the podium. Castiel stared back down at the pamphlet, the sentence repeating in his head, and then he rose to his feet. Pastor Metatron walked toward his podium as Castiel fled down the pew aisle, “Castiel?”

Castiel ignored both the pastor and his father when they called his name. His heart raced, and his legs felt like rubber bands. Castiel couldn’t breathe; it was too hot in the building. He slammed through the church’s front doors, but as he reached the cool outside air he felt his legs give out beneath him.

_You are not a sinner._

He hit the pavement, and he heard the gasps of multiple people from within the church. Everything went black, and his hearing became muffled.

“He’s probably passed out from heat exhaustion. God only knows how hot it is in here!” A woman said; she sounded as though she were right beside Castiel.

“You’d think they’d use some of their funding to buy a few fans, or even better, an air conditioner.” Another woman spoke, and the other hummed in agreement.

“Well, if he wasn’t wearing this damn sweater in the middle of the summer.” One of the women began tugging the sweater vest over Castiel’s head. 

“All the kids in the Novak family do; I think it’s their father’s thing. He makes them wear these things to look nice. Christ, he’s sweating through his shirt.” A woman touched Castiel’s wrist, her fingertips chilled, and held it for a moment. 

“He’s got a pulse, that’s a good sign.”

“Excuse me, pardon me.” Castiel recognized Michael’s voice from in the distance. There were footsteps beside Castiel’s head, and then he was being carried away.

“He needs to be taken to a hospital!” The woman cried out; Michael huffed as a car door opened. Another pair of hands helped Michael pull Castiel into the car.

“We’re taking him home,” Castiel’s father snapped. The car door shut, and Castiel’s back burned against the hot car seat leather. The air in the car was heavier and hotter than in the church making it impossible for Castiel to breath. 

_God does not judge thee._

“Come on, Cas. Wake up!” Michael patted Castiel’s cheek. The car was too hot. Castiel’s head became foggy, and Castiel completely blanked out then.

***

Something wet and cold touched Castiel’s cheek. His eyes fluttered open, but everything remained foggy. He saw the figure of someone standing over him pressing a cloth to his face. He could feel that he was lying on the couch, and a fan blew cold air onto him from the window. It reminded him of his childhood when his mother would do the same when he became ill. The figure standing above him almost reminded him of his mother. Their touches were light and careful just like hers had been, “Mom?”

Castiel smiled expecting to hear her soft voice reply with a ‘yes, honey’. The figure above stopped moving and held the cloth to Castiel’s forehead. The silence told him that the figure was, in fact, not his mother. His smile faltered a bit, and the cloth moved away from his forehead. His vision began to clear and he noticed Michael stood above him, “That’d be nice, huh?” 

“I miss her,” Castiel’s voice cracked. Michael dropped the cloth into a small pot of water before ringing it out and laying it across Castiel’s forehead. 

“Me too,” Michael dropped into a wooden chair placed beside the couch, “we all do.”

“I miss Lucifer too,” Castiel thought of all the pranks Michael and Lucifer would play on each other; their mother would be the only person to keep their father from having a screaming fit when he found out one of destroyed some part of the house. 

Michael stared at the floor with his arms crossed. Castiel knew that silence all too well. It was the same silence he had when they went to their mother’s funeral, and their Cousin Anna’s funeral, and then when Lucifer left. And that silence stuck since then. It was like someone had a remote to Michael and they set him on a channel with just static and then turned him on mute. It killed everyone to see him shut down like that. 

“I talked to him,” Michael’s voice sounded distant and hurt, “he wanted to meet up and go with him when he left town.”

“Why didn’t you?” Castiel watched Michael roll his eyes.

“Why do you think? Father would have either killed me or put you all through hell.”

“He already puts us through hell.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t think about that at the time. It’s too late.” The way Michael said the last line reminded Castiel of Zachariah. It sent a surge of anger through his veins again.

“It’s not too late. Go find your twin brother already. Stop sitting here obeying every word father says. You’re twenty six, go live your life already. You’ve been sitting here acting as father’s servant. Go find your brother, and make things right between you two.” Michael stared at Castiel like he’d just witnessed the birth of Christ himself. 

“Where the hell did that come from?” 

“For years I’ve watched a broken shell of my brother walk through this house, and I think it’s about time someone does something rather than let it go.” Castiel didn’t know where all this was coming from but he could see some sort of flicker of light in Michaels eyes. Gabriel appeared in the kitchen doorway, a sandwich half hanging from his mouth, and stared at the two.

“He’s right, you know,” Gabriel muttered between mouthfuls of food, “screw what dad thinks. He’s a dick anyway.”

“I don’t know where Lucifer is now.” Michael grumbled, and Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“He’s in California. He told you like sixty billion times when we were kids that if he ran away he was going to LA. I think he’s got some crappy studio apartment just outside of LA now.” 

“Go find him.” Castiel pressed. He wasn’t expecting Michael to jump up and say yes right away, but he knew that he’d break at some point and go find Lucifer. 

The room fell silent as they listened to the sound of their father’s axe slamming down on a log. Michael flipped the cloth on Castiel’s forehead to the cooler side, and small droplets of water ran down his temples. Gabriel crossed the room and sat on the wobbly coffee table beside the couch.

“Cas, what happened to you back at the church?” Gabriel asked, his eyes boring into Castiel’s.

“I was over heating, I couldn’t breathe,” It was the best excuse he could come up with, but he knew that neither of his brothers were convinced. 

“I heard what Zachariah said to you. What is going on, Castiel?” Michael bit, and Cas squirmed beneath the relentless stares from them. 

He remained silent for a long while, thinking about everything that’d gone down with Dean, and if he should tell them. Castiel knew he could trust Gabriel not to tell father about what had happened, but he was unsure of where Michael stood.

“Dean-“

“I told you to stay away from him!” Gabriel immediately shot up from the table. 

“Let me finish!” Castiel yelled, but Gabe shook his head and paced across the living room with his arms crossed. 

“Cas, I know where this is headed. I told you not to hang out with him.”

“Hold on, who exactly are we talking about here?” Michael asked glancing between the two brothers.

Castiel shook his head at Gabriel, but he knew it was too late. He would tell Michael, and it would be over. Cas wouldn’t see the light of day ever again once their father found out about Dean. 

“Dean Winchester,” Gabriel muttered, and Michael stared at Cas in silence. His mouth opened but quickly snapped shut as if he were unable to think of the right words to say.

“The two boys in the car?” He finally asked.

“It wasn’t what it looked like. Zachariah made it worse than it was. I was,” Castiel paused and Gabe waved for him to continue in aggravation, “I was sneaking out and the rain soaked through my shirt. I was changing it.” 

“You never did anything with him?” Michael adjusted the cloth as he spoke, and Cas felt a rush of warmth as he flushed.

“Not then.” Gabriel groaned at his response and stormed into the kitchen.

“Shit, Castiel,” He yelled from the other room. 

“I never would have met him if you hadn’t taken me to the party,” He spit the words out like poison.

“You took him to one of your parties?” Michael snapped, and Gabriel slowly walked back into the living room, his eyes set to Castiel. 

“He insisted!” 

“So what!” Michael stood from his seat, his voice rising. Castiel became frantic; surely their father would hear them screaming from outside.

“I was letting him live a little! Remember when you did the same for me?” 

“You should have been watching him!” Michael bit back, and the two stepped close to one another, staring the other down. 

“I didn’t think he’d need a babysitter,” Gabriel muttered.

“Castiel, you’re not to see Dean again,” Michael turned to face him, and Cas opened his mouth to protest, “I will not tell father about any of this, but you cannot see Dean anymore. Do you understand me?”

“You can’t tell me who I can and cannot see; I’m eighteen.” Castiel spat beginning to rise from the couch. 

Michael stormed over, pinning Cas back down, and stared him directly in the eyes, “As long as you’re living in this town, as long as you are under this roof with our father, you will be told who you can and cannot see. I’m not doing this because I believe what you’re doing is wrong, I’m doing it because I know father, and I know how he’ll react. It’s not safe, Castiel. Not with Zachariah watching you, not with him whispering ideas in father’s ear.”

Castiel nodded, swallowing hard, and Michael released him. He stormed up the stairs, and Gabriel stood silently staring at the floor, “You know I love you, man. I’m just trying to keep you safe, and Dean Winchester is not safe. I know he seems harmless now, but he’s not, Cas.”

Gabriel walked out the front door, the screen door slamming and echoing throughout the house. Castiel stared at the ceiling, his heart pounding. Everything was working against him at this point, but being with Dean felt right. Cas felt comfortable in his own skin around him; something he never felt inside this house. 

He sat up and tossed the cloth into the pot watching water droplets splatter across the coffee table. His hands and left knee were covered in long, red scratches from when he’d fallen, and his head spun at the thought of the pamphlet. He turned to the cross above the front door, a small replica of Jesus attached to it, “Help me.”


End file.
